Stupid Cat…

Well I am shattered today. Super shattered (hence why I’m blogging a little later than usual today; I slept in). I’m going to be up late tonight (we’re watching Iron Man 3 at ten o’clock because…I don’t know why, we just are) as well, so no doubt I’ll be even more tired tomorrow. Either that, or I’ll fall asleep during the film and make the whole thing a pointless exercise. Bah. I’d blame my grumpiness on lack of sleep but in all honesty, I’m like this even with a good night’s sleep.

So, why am I so tired? Lack of sleep obviously, but what caused the lack of sleep?

The damn cat did, that’s what. The damn cat. Urgh. I was chasing that little ass around the woods at 2 in the morning!


Yesterday I mentioned she was missing, and how it was my responsibility to hunt her down. I assumed she’d gone outside, so every hour or so I would take a walk around to see if I could spot her. Well, it turned out that she wasn’t outside at all, and the time that Vanna (who resumed the search once she got home from work) and I spent wandering around, calling her name, was a complete waste of time because – and this is the best bit – the cat was indoors! Hahah, how great is that? She had not made her escape when Vanna was leaving that morning, as we had assumed, but had in fact climbed the shelves in the kitchen and jumped onto the ledge above that, which clearly exists for the sole purpose of allowing cats to hide there and freak out their owners with their disappearing act. I couldn’t see her, and as she kindly did not move, call out or do anything for 8 hours, jumped to the conclusion she’d ran out. Hence the many explorations outside that I did yesterday.


This wasn’t the end of things, however, as Vanna decided that the idea to allow the cat to go outside, despite her sheer lack of training, maturity and obedience, was still a good one. Ha!

So, when we went shopping at Walmart, Vanna bought two things for the cat: a collar and a leash. The plan would be to take her for walks until she was familiar enough with the area to be trusted alone. Good plan, right?

No. Of course not. Vanna made two simple errors and as a result, I ended up chasing the cat through the woods at 2 in the morning.

The first error was taking the bell off her collar. The ringing annoyed Vanna, you see, and so she ignored my suggestions to keep it on, and cut it off. Now the cat, who was making a little jingle when she ran, was once again silent. Excellent idea.

The second error was not testing the leash inside the house first. I was told that we didn’t want to overstimulate the cat, so we should leave the walk until tomorrow. I agreed, because then we could do it when it was light. An hour later though, Vanna wanted to see if it worked…so she put it on the cat…and went outside.

You can guess what happened can’t you?

The clasp on the cat collar wasn’t designed to be pulled on. So as soon as the cat ran, the leash pulled on the clasp and it broke. Cat was then free to roam. And because I’m a lovely person, I offered to chase her down. Hence why I’m so tired.


I didn’t get her, of course. I came close several times though. I chased her down to the bottom of a hill, which was fun, and then, when I finally got to the bottom and within a foot of her, chased her back up the hill, which was, you know, even more fun.  I chased her down a road, I chased her towards the dogs, I chased her away from the dogs…essentially there was a lot of chasing and a lot of running, but no triumphant cat grabbing. The problem was that my best tactic – directing the cat towards Vanna, who could then (in theory, of course; it failed miserably in practice) nab her – didn’t really work because it was pitch black and neither of us could really direct our attacks as a result. We only had one light source between us, so while I was using that to navigate and track the cat, Vanna was standing our, blind and pretty much useless (nothing new there though, am I right? I love you dear!).

Eventually we did get her, but only after a good hour of hunting. Now Vanna has a harness for the cat, so when that inevitably fails, we’ll repeat the process once again.


So, what did we learn from this adventure?

1) Cats are really fast

2) You can spot them with a flashlight quite easily, but that doesn’t mean you’ll catch them

3) I only like old cats that don’t move around much (I miss Splat)

4) I was right, again

5) Being right isn’t very satisfying when you are the one sliding down a hill, chasing a little animal that is much quicker and much more agile than you


I bet Tony Stark never had to deal with this kinda crap.


4 thoughts on “Stupid Cat…”

  1. just so you know you are not hour the other night looking down the street for Splatt.
    In the garden all the time!! Splatt is missing you, she keeps going to your room and comes back muttering on. Where is my young slave she is asking?
    take care Dad (now England manager) & Susan.xx

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