Thursday night we went to the Lakes 12 cinema in Brainerd to watch Iron Man 3. And to make sure we were fully prepared for the latest installment in the Robert Downey Jr plays a cocky, millionaire in a suit that isn’t made of iron but still, close enough franchise, we also watched Iron Man (Wednesday night) and Iron Man 2 (Thursday afternoon).
Here are my reviews (I think I might just use say ‘thoughts’ in future) of all three films. You’re, uh, welcome.
I know I sounded a little cynical in the opening paragraph, but I do quite like Iron Man. As a rule, I like my superheroes to be super, and not just some rich fella who decides to fight crime*, but I can make an exception for Iron Man. Why? Well he’s funny, charismatic and a genius. Also, he’s played by Robert Downey Jr. How can you not like him?
So, despite not being Spiderman in a Spiderman film (and even Spiderman isn’t Spiderman now), I have to say I’ve enjoyed Iron Man…and his Iron Man films.
The first one, in particular, is definitely worth watching. I’m not going to tell you the story for two reasons:
- It’s been out for five years. If you don’t know what it is about by now, then you probably don’t care for it. Otherwise…keep up for Pete’s sake. Even I’ve seen it!
- I, uh, fell asleep when we were watching it, so I missed a good chunk of the middle…and the end. I have seen it before though (worth clicking on so you can see my earlier rant about Batman…what can I say? At least I’m consistent)…I just don’t quite remember it. Ahem.
Anyway, it is probably the fan’s favourite but it’s probably my least favourite. Still good though. 7’/10
*Hence my reasoning behind my lack of interest in Batman. If he’d been bitten by a radioactive bat, I might have seen the films.
Also, he has stupid bat ears and it genuinely puts me off watching them. I appreciate it sounds silly and ridiculous, but look at him. He’s a grown man. Spiderman didn’t put mandibles on his suit did he? Or 4 fake legs just to get an ‘authentic’ look? Get rid of the little bat ears (which, by the way, look nothing like real bat ears, so not only are they dumb, they are unrealistic) and maybe I’ll give them a go.
Iron Man 2
With the level of insight I offered above, you are probably dreading the rest of this review. But don’t worry! It gets better. Honest.
…okay, that might not be true but still…
You’ll be glad to hear that I did not fall asleep during Iron Man 2. I was awake for the full thing, and I have to say it is probably my favourite film out of the three. Why?
- It has Mickey Rourke in it, and ever since I watched Wild Orchid (if you don’t know what I’m talking about….you are one of the lucky ones), I’ve had a strange fascination with Mickey Rourke. Would he be awful in this too? Actually, he’s quite good. I thought he was a good “Whiplash” (the name of the bad guy; he wasn’t just a guy in a car accident). I loved his terrible Russian accent. And his tats (that means tattoos, children). He meant business. Well done Mr Rourke. Still can’t forgive you for your previous transgressions, but this helped.
- There are a lot of metal suits fighting. At one point, Iron Man and his buddy face off against a load of drones, and there is something about robots fighting that entertains me.
- Glass smashing. I’ve never smashed a window pane in my life, and yet I feel like I have because there is so much of it going on in Iron Man 2, I’m struggling to separate the events in the film from my own memory. Did I get into a big fight with my best friend and wreck a mansion, or was it Robert Downey Jr? I’ve got no idea.
So yeah, Iron Man 2 was good. I know sequels aren’t supposed to be as good as the original but I don’t know…there was something extra to Iron Man 2 that really won me over. Maybe it was because he was even more confident than he was in the first one. Maybe it was because I liked the new, surprised looking Rhodes over the old, less surprised looking Rhodes. Or maybe it was because Scarlett Johansson was in it.
I’m not sure. Either way, I enjoyed it. 8/10
Yeah, now that I’ve thought about it, it was indeed Scarlett Johansson. I was lying before. I didn’t want to sound like a typical bloke who only enjoys a film because of the attractive lady on show…but yeah, it’s true.
Iron Man 3
Why why why why WHY do I keep bringing drinks into a movie theater? It never goes well for me! Why haven’t I learned my lesson yet? It always goes the same way; I drink it all in the first five minutes and then end up desperately needing to go to the bathroom for the rest of the film, putting me in the difficult situation of either missing part of the film, or watching the last hour in extreme discomfort. Of course, I never leave the cinema while the film is on (I paid a lot for this ticket. I ain’t missing a word!), so I spend the last thirty minutes wishing that the film would just hurry it up the dramatic conclusion and finish before I wet myself.
This is what happened on Thursday night. I thought I’d be clever and go to the bathroom beforehand, but it still wasn’t enough to compensate for the medium soda I polished off while the film was still in the introductory scenes (I can’t help it, I just drink until there is nothing left). And this time, I couldn’t hold out until the movie ended. I’m afraid to say my run of never leaving before the end is over, because I had to go just as the final fight was ending. I lasted as long as I could, and I only missed the ending monologue, but still…the run is over. Ah well. I tried my best.
What about the film?
Well…like the other two, it was good. I think I liked the second one more, so 7.5/10. But I’m probably not the person to ask.
You see, I’m just a Spiderman fanboy. I did enjoy the Iron Man films, but that is as far as it goes. All I can say is that they were consistently good, and, to me, that is fair praise. They were nothing special, but they never were going to be with me. I promise I’m not going to turn this into another Spiderman love in, but the only way a superhero film is going to get a really high score and stick with me forever, is if they have an emotional connection with me like Spiderman did. Iron Man is fun, clever at times, has great CGI (I’m thinking about the fights) and is one of those films you can watch anytime. But it is the superhero equivalent to Die Hard; a good action film and nothing more (I know I haven’t seen Die Hard, but the point still stands).
So yeah. I think that’s about right.
Iron Man does have Scarlett Johansson though. That is always a good thing.
P.S We watched Iron Man and Iron Man 2 so we were well versed in Iron Man lore (the movie version; sorry people, I have no interest in comics). However, once we in the cinema, we realized that the film we should have watched was The Avengers. There were more references to that than the previous Iron Man films. So if you want to do the same, you should probably add that into your ‘research’.