Although a diary entry, this has nothing to do with ‘The Beginning’, which I posted the last week. There will be a follow-up to that this weekend (hopefully), so don’t get confused thinking this is a weird direction for my apocalypse series to take. As for LOAL, this was something I did for a laugh to explain the functions of the liver. Students, take note. You can learn a lot from this.
Hello and welcome to a new year!
My name is Lenny Liver. Yeah…my parents enjoyed alliteration. Anyway, it is my birthday today and for some reason they decided a diary was the best present for me. So here I am. Let me tell you about myself.
I’m 18. Quite a momentous occasion turning 18, am I right? I’m celebrating it later with my friends on what is typically known as a ‘pub crawl’. I’ve been advised against it; apparently heavy drinking leads to low levels of oxidised NAD which results in a failure to metabolize fatty acids, destruction of hepatocytes and reduced blood supply to the lobules (causing a disease known as cirrhosis I’m told). Sounds bad, but I think its rubbish.
‘Drinking will mean you can’t function properly so ammonia builds up and could lead to you being in a coma and or death son’ my dad tells me. But he also says Liverpool will win the Premiership so I can’t believe everything I’m told.
I’m pretty excited for going out though. Not sure how we are getting there though. I do have my trusty Ornithine motorcycle I could use, but it requires quite a bit of energy and the price of ATP these days is ridiculous. On top of that there is some problem with the engine and I have to keep draining the Urea produced from the NH3, ATP and CO2 in my cycle, and that stuff smells. And I’m trying to look good here, cleaned my lobules, made sure my sinusoids are clear…everything!
Anyway, I do have a job, unlike many slackers my age. Really important job too; not tooting my own horn but the company (Excretion Ltd) would fail without me. My official title is ‘Chief Officer in Detoxification’. Pretty nifty name though. ‘Chief’! That’s me!
Basically I have to deal with the toxic substances that my friend Jimmy Intestine receives from Sammy Stomach (there is a whole system in place, its damn efficient) and once that is done I move them into the Hepatic Vein. This then goes to our Italian friend Alessandro Vena Cava. Like I said we have a good system in place here.
The chute can’t be confused with the Hepatic Artery however, as that is where I get my ‘supply’ from; i.e. what I need to function. That’s right, the Oxy Mac from MacDonald’s. Lovely. That’s the advantage to having a temp helping; Antonio De Aorta (another Italian kid) gets our food for us while he applies for a permanent position. Just got to hope he doesn’t get it.
In addition I do voluntary work. I store glycogen for my parents, decompose red blood cells using my Kupfter cells, synthesis plasma proteins and produce hormones for the old lady next door. It’s not much but I do my part. And recently I’ve started producing bile to get some extra money. Every little helps after all.
What else can I tell you?
Well I’m a good artist and I enjoy drawing. Here is a self-portrait, to give you an idea of what I look like;
Handsome 😉
I used to have long hair
But it was too much
Hassle really.
Anyway, it’s time for me to go out and enjoy myself. Bladder is at the door and he’s always in a rush. Goodbye!
writingonthecitadel 