From Bed To Work, From Work To Bed
What? It’s half six already? No. Just no. It can’t be. I refuse to accept it. Goddamn, where was my morning alarm? You’re supposed to give me a twenty-minute heads up so I can cry for a while before I have to get up. I set you up to do this yet you have failed me. Thanks a lot alarm. Urgh. Well 10 minutes won’t hurt…
Okay it did. I’m not even more tired. And I have fifteen minutes to get ready. Teeth done, dressed and where are my keys? Come on…I’ll be late if you don’t find yourselves. Ah there we go. Sorted. Door open and I’m out.
Oh my it is cold. Gloves are on and coat is zipped up but it makes no difference whatsoever. And it is pitch black because I’m leaving earlier than usual to get the stupid bus. Oh it is slippy too. Faaaantastic. Can’t see, can’t feel and my shoes have the grip of an excited puppy living in a laminated house. This doesn’t bode well.
Right, I left the house at 6:50. Bus arrives at 7:08 so I should just make it. No need to rush, I can do it.
There’s the bus stop. There is a woman standing there so I can’t have missed it. Super. Just check the time…7:00. What? Is that it? Google Maps you lied to me. Now I’ve got to wait in the cold because you think it’ll take me an age to get to the main road which is less than ten minutes away. Liars!
And to make it worse, the bus is late. Already 7:15 and there has been no sign of it. Not like I’m trying to catch another bus or anything.
Bus stop is getting surprisingly busy. Who needs to be up this early? I’m travelling to Newcastle but surely these people aren’t heading so far out too? Look at them. One is older than Methuselah and that guy clearly doesn’t work legally for a living. So what are they doing up? Go back to bed you fools!
Eh, this is just uncomfortable. I’m used to having a bus stop alone…not used to people. Urgh.
Ah finally, the bus has arrived and I’m on it. Come on now, hurry it up. Don’t stop for the old lady; she can wait to cross the road.
Nearly there. I can see the bus to Newcastle…got to move quickly otherwise I’ll miss it. Soon as the bus stops I need to be on the move.
…or not because I’m stuck behind a girl who has decided that the speed of a stupid snail (half as fast as a normally functioning snail) is perfectly acceptable pace for her legs. I’ll just past her…oh no, she’s just going to weave in front of me again. Argh! Bus! Going! To! Leave! Mustresistthetemptationtopunchherinthebackofthehead!
Lucky for her the bus didn’t leave. Now I’ve got to decide where to sit. I’m not used to double deckers. Bottom floor I’ll not be able to fit but I can’t imagine the top deck being much better…and that is where the unsavoury lurk isn’t it? Yeah, I’ll stay down here thanks.
But I can’t because not one, not two, not three but four people are sitting on the outside seat because, well, they are utter b******* (to put it kindly!). They don’t want anybody sitting next to them. Wow.
I’m already missing the 43. Except for the odd tosser (better?) or bint (an affectionate term for tossers of the female persuasion) everyone sits on the window seat. And even the inconsiderate 43’ers have bags or something so you can understand their arsey behaviour. Not these guys though. I hate you Durham people.
Fine, I’ll sit upstairs.
Hmm, not too bad. The seat doesn’t compress my legs and most of the people up here are in sleep mode. Awesome. I’ll fit right in. Dozing time…
Ah why aren’t we in Newcastle yet? Oh this doesn’t look good. Huge line of traffic? Yellow signs dotted on the roadside? Please don’t say…
Diversion. Balls.
Obvious really. I can get up early and be prompt and ready but it doesn’t matter whatsoever because at the end of the day, I’m at the mercy of the Bus and Traffic Gods and evidently they were punished a lot as children; why else would they be so damn cruel to me? I don’t ask for much but that means nothing to these heartless figments of my imagination.
Hold on. We are out of the huge line now. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll make it in by half past. Still got ten minutes to spare. Can I do it?
Come on, please. Let me be on time.
Damn. The third imaginative deity has stepped in to deliver the coup de grace to my hopes of getting to work on time. The God of Traffic Lights has spoken, and the word they uttered was ‘Red’. Thanks
Well it could be worse. Pulling inside the station at 8:40…I’ve been much much much later than that before. I think it just feels worse because I’m using an unfamiliar bus and I’m on a unrecognisable route. But it’s okay.
It’s all about damage limitation now. Walk as fast as possible and salvage some of my lunch hour. Get off the bus and move with speed. Easy.
Oh not again…
Stuck behind an old couple who are taking up the entire pavement. Get out my way! Why are you so slow? Surely the fact time is running out for you would encourage you to move faster, no? Fine, continue this pace, that is a great idea.
Finally passed…and there is another old couple. Are you kidding me? Did you come together, then separate, just to mess me up? Because that is what it feels like. I’m not adverse to pushing you both over, you know. I don’t get up for you if you get on my bus so knocking you down is not out of my capabilities. Consider this your warning.
Good, you veer off. Right now I can move.
Oh for F…red light. Why?! Because it’s “screw you” day, that’s why. Eh, it looks clear. I’ll run across the road anyway.
CAR CAR CAR
Maybe it wasn’t so clear. Don’t panic, I’m in control. Totally and completely in control. Ugh.
Green, move move move. Can I sprint up the hill? No, course not, because once again I’m obstructed by a couple who think the path is their domain. You aren’t Gandalf, now bloody pick a side and let me pass. Is it ignorance, stupidity or sheer selfishness? Either way, you are going to get a punch in the back of the head if you don’t realise I’m trying to get past your stupid bodies.
Seriously, can somebody with power make it acceptable to punch someone in the back of the head if the circumstances demand it? Make it a law. I’ll happily set the precedent. I’ll do it in a heartbeat. I will punch anybody in the head; I’m not discriminate. Starting with this couple…
Ah bravo, you moved. And at last I’m at work. Only fifteen minutes late. Eh, could be worse.
So what’s on today’s agenda?
Filing
Filing
Filing
Lunch
Post
Filing
Filing
Filing
Super. Oh wait, somebody forgot to add fire alarm going off to that list. Damn it. Must remember my training…Leave swiftly and calmly, leaving all possessions behind. Right. But what about my gloves? It’s cold out there.
Jump the chair, open my bag, grab the gloves…then leave calmly and swiftly. Nailed it.
Twenty minutes outside because the fire engines got lost. Well that is reassuring. No fire though. Kinda disappointed. At least it would have been warm.
Back to work.
Filing
Filing
Filing
And it’s five o’clock! Home time! Grab coat and rush to the bus station time. I have five minutes to get there. Don’t dare get in my way, citizens of Newcastle, or I will flatten you.
Super. Got the bus with time to spare. Nobody got in my way.
And it’s a fancy bus too! Powered with electricity and it’s all clean. Oooh, very nice. It has television screens that display the next stop too. But no seats for tall people. Poor show green bus, poor show.
Trying to stay awake…failing to stay awake. Oh well.
6:14 and I’m in Durham. Few more minutes and the next bus will be there to take me home. Or maybe not because it decides to be ten minutes late. But at least I’ll be home soon.
Oh wait, forgot about the walk. Damn. Do that, then I’m home.
Bedroom. Cluttered, cold and requiring my attention to sort it out but I’m too damn tired to bother.
Bed. Xbox. Food. Sleep. Then the cycle starts all over again.
What a fantastic life I lead.
writingonthecitadel 
Oh Alex, it seems you had a miserable day. I do agree about the law of knocking people in the back of the head!! In my case I just take them out at the back of the knee, it seems to work. Now that your sleeping tomorrow will be a better day. HOPEFULLY!!